We all want our children to be kind GENEROUS and COMPASSIONATE people, but how do you instil those traits when they are so absorbed in their own DRAMAS?
Everything we DO can come from a place of SERVICE and GIVING to others – it all starts with an INTENTION to be of SERVICE and the desire to GIVE BACK to others.
When you teach your children how they can incorporate being of service or giving to others into their lives, you will find your child becomes less self-absorbed and instead opens up to being more kind and generous.
Giving and being of service nurtures their inner motivation of generosity and creates more meaning in their lives.
Several of my teenage clients have part-time jobs (which they expressed they don’t really like and find it boring but do it anyway for the money.)
One girl, (let’s call her Lisa), worked as a waitress on weekends, and I encouraged her to shift her mindset from feeling anxious and finding work boring, to a new intention and perspective that was more uplifted for Lisa plus had a spin on how she could focus on being of service to others.
Part of the script we created went like this:
When I think about going to work I feel really calm and peaceful
I am actually excited about going to work
I work with a great group of people who are fun to be with
I enjoy meeting all the new customers and finding out where they have travelled from and what they plan to do for the rest of the day.
I love serving people and seeing them smile when they receive great service from me.
I feel so happy to give great value to all my customers.
I love my work and I feel happy to go to work
I am choosing to release the drama, It doesn’t have to be so overwhelming as I get to choose how I feel
These sentences are just an example of part of a script we created for our session using Emotional Freedom Technique, but, feel free to use this with your child to help with shifting their mindset and creating an intention that benefits them in their day.
When your child is frustrated or upset they find it hard to see beyond their own ‘problems and dramas’ but, when they can come from a space of ‘How can I be of service?’, they take the spotlight from being on them and all the drama in their life and place it on someone else.
Giving impacts how your child feels at a deeper level, it helps change their perspective from what is wrong in my life to, how can I benefit someone else’s life. And this has a great side effect of boosting their self-worth and validating the value they have to offer.
My recommendation to Lisa was to calm her nervous system first then go to work with the intention of placing her focus on each customer and choosing to smile and make someone else happy while being of service in that moment.
The next session, Lisa was elated! She was so happy at her job, had fun with the other staff at the café, discussed some fascinating topics with the customers she served (that she would never have discussed before when her intention was to ‘just do her job for the money’) and was actually grateful for this job.
So, how can you create opportunities for your child to be of service or give back?
- When you are out shopping with your child buy a small gift like a bunch of flowers or box of chocolates and ask your child to choose a person, they wish to give the flowers to. I promise you, this will bring tears to your eyes when you see the response from everyone it is Priceless!. My teenage daughter still loves doing this.
- Ask your child to write an old fashioned handwritten letter to their teacher, the postie, or a relative, saying thank you and why they appreciate them. This will connect them back to the energy of gratitude.
- Older children who earn pocket money may like to contribute a portion to a charity. My children love to go on the World Vision site at Christmas time and buy a meal for a child in a third world country or chickens for the family. Here is the link to the site to find out more https://donate.worldvision.org/giftcatalog or have your child choose a charity that is important to them.
- Role Model. When your child sees that Giving and being of service is a normal part of your life they will more likely adopt this as normal for them too.
The key step here is to really focus on the impact that giving and being of service has on your child, and for them to experience the happiness that comes from giving to others. Ask questions like “How do you feel after doing/gifting……………” “Would you like to do this again?” “What are some other ideas you would like to do next?”
So, what are some of the ways you show your children how they can be of service by sharing their gifts and talents or ways they can give back to others?