What stops mums from saying YES to themselves?
When we accept the role of being a Mum, we seem to automatically assume the role of self-sacrifice as well. It’s as if they go hand in hand.
We are under a spell that says that the way to show love for our children is to sacrifice, go without, and give up our needs in order to keep giving. Otherwise, we are not being a good Mother, right?
The problem is, when we begin to serve from this place of depletion it becomes another chore rather than a gift to be present with our kids.
We start to feel resentful for not having any time for ourselves and then feel guilty that we are not giving as much as we would like to our children.
What if I told you there is another way. A way you probably never knew could be possible for you and your family. It looks something like this:
You feel confident and self-assured in your Parenting abilities and you intuitively know what to do and say to help your children feel strong, confident, and be the amazing beings they were sent here to be.
You not only have a beautiful connection with your children, but you have also created an amazing connection with your Divine Feminine Energy within.
Filling up your own cup first and feeding your family with the overflow. You feel empowered.
You are able to trust your own intuition to know what your child needs, during any challenges they may face.
This is my life now, (well, most of the time – at least I can say this is my experience more often than not these days!) but it certainly was not always this way. Only a few short years ago, I was at a very low point in my life.
Dealing with my own personal struggles where each day I was just going through the motions – I was not ‘available’ to my two small children.
I then discovered my 6 year old son had been bullied at school for over 6 months. He was physically and emotionally tormented and was too afraid to tell us.
While sitting in the Principals office all those years ago, I launched into the blame game. I blamed the school, the bullies, the parents who created these monsters, and society. But most of all, I blamed myself.
A deep wound was triggered in me that day, and while I couldn’t see it at the time, this wound opened up a far greater wisdom. A wisdom that would transform my entire approach to parenting and life.
One day a small voice inside whispered, “You cannot change it until you accept it.” From there, I knew I had to heal myself before I could help my son.
I spent many years on my own investigative journey, studying many philosophies and theories and working with Spiritual Teachers.
Through this process, I found the biggest clue to healing and transformation was self-love and self-respect.
We need to stop and listen to the little whispers of wisdom from our body that tell us to slow down and go within. Our outer world is a reflection of our inner world and I could now see my son being bullied through new eyes.
I found that as I healed myself and began to be grateful and love myself, this had a profound effect on the people around me, especially my children. They grew into owning their self-worth and power.
So, for all you Mothers who are no longer feeling fulfilled in serving your family and have become sleep deprived, are eating poorly, neglecting your own needs, wants, and desires, I now give you permission to stop, realign, and recharge.
When you are in this frame of mind, it is impossible to be fully present for your children – you are unable to give the love, compassion, and nurturing you so desire to your children.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
Embrace The Divine Feminine Energy
Embracing your Divine Feminine Energy is one of the best ways I have found to immediately create profound change, not only in our own lives but for our children and family as well.
We all have masculine and feminine energies, which play a large role in the way we think, act, and feel.
When these energies are balanced, there is no sacrificing or feeling depleted, just a wonderful balance of giving and receiving, which allows our lives to flow with the least resistance.
Masculine energy is the driving force energy, the doing energy.
How this looks in a Mother’s life is preparing lunches, school drop off and pick up, after school activities, playdates, planning and scheduling, cleaning, work, careers.
This is a giving energy.
Feminine energy is a loving energy that encompasses the qualities of intuition, compassion, creativity, and nurturing.
This energy is about going within and allowing inspiration to flow.
This is a receiving energy.
These two energies work in harmony in a giving AND receiving flow. There must be a balance of both. If there is an imbalance, we start to give from a depleted state.
If you continue ‘to constantly do,’ there is no time for appreciating and enjoying the life you are creating with your family.
You need to stop, celebrate, and allow this expansive feminine energy to support you and bring forth a richer, fuller life.
I would like to take you through a six steps process to help you get back into alignment with filling yourself up so you can be totally present for your children.
Remember, by giving yourself love, respect, and forgiveness, you are teaching your children how to treat themselves.
1. Connecting with Mother Nature.
This doesn’t take much. Just a long walk outside, where ever you prefer. The beach, bush, mountains, rivers, waterfalls, or just get out into your own back garden.
Feel the earth beneath your feet. Feel that energy exchange – the grounding and connection.
Activate your 5 senses. See, hear, feel, taste, and smell.
Allow Mother Nature to align your chakras (energy centres). You don’t have to know what these energy centres are, but just say ‘Yes,’ breathe deeply, and Mother Nature will do the rest.
2. Love Your Body
If you truly loved and respected your body, what would you do for it? How would you treat it? In what ways would you show your love for your body?
Gratitude: Thank every part of your body daily as you shower.
Body Care: Body brushing, baths infused with essential oils, massages.
Movement: Walking, Tai Chi, Yoga, running, swimming.
Food: Green smoothies, vegetables, fruits, nuts, coconut oils, salads.
Mind: Meditation, Mantras, candles.
There are so many ways you can show respect, love, and gratitude for your body. Write down what you feel would nurture your body and commit to doing it every day.
After 7 days, write down the changes you observe and feel within.
P.S. If you think you don’t have time, use this as your Mantra “I have all the time in the world.”
3. Love Words
Our thoughts and words are energy.
What we think and say about ourselves is beamed out into the Universe.
Declaring that we feel “not good enough, nothing goes right for me,” or “I always get the blame for things,” will then be the energy you will attract back.
Make a stand now to release the old, unproductive patterns that no longer serve you and speak to yourself like you would to your best friend!
Make a list of short positive statements about yourself
Use present tense and feel the emotion in these words, such as “I am enough,” and “I am worthy.”
Now, place these mantras as reminders in your phone and set to hourly.
Write them on cue cards and place around the house. Let’s get really creative and write them on the bathroom mirror!
4. Acknowledge Gratitude
Acknowledge gratitude when it comes your way in the form of a compliment.
Instead of disregarding compliments and feeling squirmish when someone says something nice, stand in your power and say, “You are welcome.”
5. How saying NO empowers you
Many times, we find that we are saying “yes” to everything people ask of us.
It is usually because we need external validation.
When we say “yes” in these circumstances, we usually feel uneasy and wish we could get out of what we have committed to.
Take a moment to breathe and pay a compliment first before saying “no.”
“Thank you so much for thinking of me. I really appreciate it, however, I have a prior commitment on Friday, but thanks anyway.”
This way you are saying “yes” to you.
6. Laugh Out Loud
Laugh and live authentically. How?
Let your children take the reins for this one.
They know how to live in the present moment where happiness resides.
Let go of always needing to control, and allow your children to teach you to laugh and enjoy life to its fullest.
Go to the park and jump on the flying fox or the birds nest swing with your children.
Watch how excited they are to introduce you to their world. Feel how liberating this is.
Remember, our children are our teachers. In each moment you spend with them, there is an opportunity to learn from them.
Allow yourself the gift of learning from your children how to be happy in this very moment.
I embrace my challenges, as I now have the opportunity to use my experiences to give back to others.
My journey has lead me to create a business that I love.
I work with incredible, inspiring women every day who are committed to change and transforming their lives.
I have the privilege to watch them step into their power and while doing so empower their children to live their most brilliant lives.
*Re-Post from an article I contributed to in Bloom and Flourish.*
I would LOVE to hear, which of the 6 steps resonates with you most?
What do you feel stops mums from saying yes to themselves?
Which step do you plan on implementing right now? Yes, it’s time for you to give to you!!
Do you already have ways you connect to your Divine Feminine Spirit? If so, please share them in the COMMENTS below.
Ps. If you would like to know more about my “Empowered Parent Coaching Program” you can Click This Link for a FREE 30 minute Discovery call with me to learn more or email me firstname.lastname@example.org