Are you unwittingly controlling your kids?

 

Have you ever written a text to a friend or loved one, hit the send button, then glanced back over what you have just written…….only to find, this well written text (or so you thought at the time), now doesn’t make sense! Yep, good old spell check has butted in and decided you really didn’t want to say that!….and created something else that “sounds much better”!!!!!

This happened to me just the other day whilst I was sending a text to my husband asking for an address.

What I wrote was “Hi Lee, can you remember Mia’s Nanna’s address?

Within about 10 secs I received a reply “Bananas?”

Spell check wrote “Hi Lee, can you remember Mia’s bananas address?

Well, in that moment I started to laugh, then I had tears streaming down my face, I had that giddy feeling you get after laughing so hard you can’t stop even if you wanted to.

But, this is not always a laughing matter with spell-check.

I have witnessed people on many occasions who are very frustrated with spell check and declare “That’s not what I wanted to say” “Bloody spell check again!”

This very funny moment for me got me thinking about how this can sometimes be connected to how we parent our children.

I started to think “Are there times where I have parented my children like “Spellcheck”? Where I think I know what is better for my kids than they do?

Which led me to wonder, do our kids get just as frustrated with us when we think we know what is best for them. Where we think we know all the answers and they should listen to us.

We override what they are saying or thinking and expect them to listen to “our wisdom”

I would now love to introduce you to 5 simple steps you can use right now to encourage your child to feel empowered by their own decisions:

 

1. Breathe For Clarity’s Sake

The breath is such a simple tool and when used correctly, it is one of the most powerful gifts we all have to shift any restrictive ways of thinking into expansive thoughts instantly. (Any time, any place).

Believe me, this is so empowering for you to do with your child.

This simple step brings you clarity and changes your perception and approach to how you interact with your child.

You are now able to approach your child from a calm place rather than the heavy energy of stress and anxiety.

ACTION:

• Stop and be still
• Slow deep breath in through your nose, hold 2 counts
• Slowly release the air through your mouth like you are blowing out candles

Do this three times with your child.

You will start to feel tiny bubbles of energy and warm tingling feeling throughout your body.

This creates an instant connection and bond with your child by elevating both your energy fields.

 

The next step allows you to relax knowing that you don’t always have to know all the answers.

You just need to know how to ask the right questions.

When you ask your child an empowering question it immediately shifts the heavy energy of the problem to a lighter more expansive energy of solutions and possibilities.

 

2. What Does My Body Say?

This teaches children to go within and listen to their bodies. To feel and hear what their inner wisdom is communicating to them. Having them know what YES feels like in their body and NO feels like are small steps toward your child tuning in to their inner wisdom. Now ask them how their body feels in each of these scenarios, this will help them to connect with what and how their body is communicating to them.

This small step is so powerful for your child to bring with them as they get older (especially during the teenage years)

 

ACTION

Ask your child to

• Close their eyes
• Deep breathes
• Hand on their heart
• Ask “What does YES feel like in your body?
• Ask them to tell you what they love doing
• Now ask, “How does your body feel?” ie warm, tingling
• This is what a YES feels like in your body
• Now What does NO feel like
• Ask them to describe this feeling

 

 

3. Art Of Listening

Sit and listen to your child. Truly tune in to what they are saying and give your undivided attention. They know they are loved and cared for and that they matter.

Look them in the eyes and listen to them – you will experience something so profound – we understand who they are, what is important to them.

Hold back the urge to speak – if you speak overtop of your child or interrupt and discount what they are saying they feel unheard.

Instead, ask them questions about their day and allow them to get in touch with how the different events in their day made them feel.

This also facilitates for them to go within for answers and to listen and feel the communications of their bodies.

 

ACTION

• Make eye contact (I see You)
• Touch them – on the arm, knee (Connection)
• Compliment/acknowledge what they are saying (I Hear You)

 

4. The Power Of Words

Telling your child “NO” all the time can certainly create so many unnecessary battles.

And this done on a consistent bases can make your child feel wrong for asking and create this feeling of being “powerless”.

It’s important to have a respectful two way relationship with our kids.

Wherever you can try not to use the word NO all the time

For example My 8 year old daughter asked me to get her ears pierced. Instead of saying No not now. I thought about a different way to approach this so instead I said yes you can, on your next birthday. And before she had the chance to say “I want to get them pierced now” “All my friends have got them”

I promptly added “Let’s make this a really Special day together – would you like to go out for lunch together? What would you like to eat? We could do a bit of shopping together and enjoy our special day which will be great.”

Well, you guessed it, there were squeals of joy and lots of jumping on the spot and hand clapping (and my daughter joined in too!!)

 

Sometimes NO may be the best choice of words in that moment. So, use those moments as times to teach – give them the reasons why.

 

5. Holding a Vision For Your Child (Intentions)

This is where you stop, breath and connect with the vision or intentions you have for your child.

You try to control your kids and worry about your kids because you care so much about them – you want the best for them.

The issue is that the control and worry energy is not solution based, it just creates more control and worry situations in our lives.

So, we turn that dense energy into a positive solutions based energy, where you set your intentions for your child on what you do want to happen for them in the present tense.

This way, your child is making their decisions and we are supporting them by creating the intentions of love, happiness and joy for them

Consistently feeling the need to control your child leads to a child who is either “Defiant” and will rebel against the shackles you have placed upon them or a “compliant” child, who always feels the need to please others.

This can also bring in the element of your child not feeling like you “trust” them to make decisions and can lead to low self-worth.

 

This is not about giving kids everything they want but about choosing words that empower both you and your child

 

Give your child as many opportunities for them to decide what to do – by asking them questions that allows them to think about the outcome they want, the possible consequences. This empowers them to feel in control of their own lives, but supported by you.

Depending on the age of your child you will decide what decisions they can make.

 

 

If you enjoyed this article please let me know in the comments below.

Which tip resonates with you?