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Calm Mamma, Calm Child
As mothers, we sometimes get so caught up in the everyday routine and schedule of family life that we sometimes forget to schedule in time for ourselves.
We keep going at an amazing pace adding more in to our already very full schedule – more playdates, extra sports events, wow we are invincible, or are we?
We need to stop and listen to the little whispers of wisdom from our body that tell us to slow down.
When we no longer feel fulfilled in serving our family and we become sleep deprived, eat poorly, neglect our own needs, wants and desires and shift into the martyr/victim mentality, we know we are out of alignment and need to recharge.
This is when we begin to serve from a place of depletion and it becomes another chore rather than a gift to be present with our kids.
If we don’t give to ourselves and care for ourselves we cannot be the loving compassionate Mother we desire to be for our kids.
WHY DO WE DO THIS?
Our own Parents generally are our role models to base our own parenting abilities on.
We are shown by our own Mothers how to sacrifice our own needs and desires to give to others. I know being in a family of six children, my Mum gave so much to us on a continual basis.
When we are in this frame of mind it is impossible to be fully present for our kids – we are unable to give the love, compassion and nurturing we so desire to our children.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
I would like to take you through 5 steps to help you get back into alignment with filling yourself up so you can be totally present for your children. Remember, by giving yourself, love, respect and forgiveness, you are teaching your children how to treat themselves
- GAIN CLARITY – REFLECTION TIME
Often times you have been in auto-pilot for so long that when you actually stop and think about what would make you happy you find it difficult. You know what you don’t want because that has been your focus for so long, but to actually pin point what you want can be a challenge.
So here are some ACTION STEPS to gain that clarity.
- Answer the following questions:
What do I want to DO?
How do I want to FEEL?
What does it look like for someone who loves themselves unconditionally?
- Create A Vision Board
Create a vision board of what self-love looks and feels like to me.
VISUALS are so powerful – Cut from mags power words, activities you want to be doing ie Yoga, Bubble bath, running, reading massages
What SPECIFIC things will bring joy into my life?
- SET INTENTIONS
Get to know yourself and what you truly want and need based on what was revealed through your answers above. Now you can schedule and honour your self-care routine.
Create Affirmations
I find this is awesome to do in the shower. Yep, it doesn’t have to take long.
Create these affirmations from an expanded energy – Present tense and feel them
If it is too hard for you to say – I deeply love and accept myself initially then say something that feels more real for you like “I am choosing to love myself more and more every day.
My daily morning routine is:
Affirmations in the shower, Yoga, Chakra Balancing, Meditation, Gratitude and energy medicine with my kids
Do you think I got there in one day??
No, it has evolved – allow this evolution by starting one new thing and incorporating that first – as you feel the benefits your body will ask for more.
- CONNECT WITH YOUR HEART (INTUITION)
When there is inner turmoil and chaos going on in your head, you can’t hear your inner voice because you are drawn into the external world.
When you allow time to be quiet for 5 mins
Simply –
- Place your Hands on your heart (this takes you from mind to heart)
- Breathe deeply in through nose and out through mouth
I told you it was simple, but it is so powerful – this is a tool you can use anywhere anytime you need to just calm and focus. It takes you from the mindless chatter that keeps you stuck in the problem and allows you to drop into your heart which is expansive and where all possibilities live – your solutions.
- HOW TO SAY “NO” TO FEEL EMPOWERED
This is not about being greedy or selfish it’s about respecting yourself and your boundaries. When we are constantly saying YES to every request we lose our respect for ourselves – that someone else’s needs are more important than our own.
The way to say NO where it is a Win Win for everyone is to:
Pay a compliment first – “Thank you Joan for asking me to participate at the school fete, however I am already busy that day, but I appreciate the thought.”
That’s it simply hey?
I told this to my son and he uses it all the time.
- BE VULNERABLE
Too often as mums we often think about what others think of us, so we put up this wall of protective armour. We are always “showing” we have got it together and we do this with our kids. We think if we let our guard down our kids will no longer respect us and they will take over the house and run riot!
Oh my goodness that is such hard work!!!
Please, don’t be so serious about life. I know this because that was me not so long ago.
The best way to connect with your kids is to show your VULNERABILITY
Yes, you laugh with them, tell them stories of lessons you learnt – mistakes you made and how it has helped you to see things differently.
This helps you to release and relax and your children will find you to be more fun to be around and they will want to connect with you.
Self-belief is important. If you truly love, value and respect yourself, if you believe you are worthy and precious, then others will see your worth.
Especially your children, it is the best thing you can do for your kids, you are their role model and now you can showing them how to build their own self-worth.
“If you think happiness is outside you, you will make happiness into a search, a catch or reward that you must earn.
If you know happiness is inside you, then happiness becomes a compass, a teacher an enabler that helps you live your best life” Dr Robert Holden
I hope this has been helpful.
I would love to hear in the comments below, how you respect and love yourself.